Share the freaking footpath!

As Ive become older and less patient (it’s true kids, it happens to the best of us), I’ve launched a personal vendetta against footpath hogs. To save me from public meltdown, I’ve chosen the keyboard warrior route, because if you walk on footpaths and haven’t noticed any of this, you are probably DOING IT.

If you can’t multitask, don’t TOUCH your phone

There’s a lot of research that suggest no one can multitask… However it’s a special breed who still believe in their unique power to stumble along the street, eyes glued to their phone. You probably don’t even realise its an issue because everyone else is dodging and weaving to avoid your path of destruction.

It especially annoys me when I’m running UP HILL, at death’s door, hating every second, and IM the one who has to veer off course so some idiot can focus on selecting which Miley Cyrus song to listen to next.

I call for an uprising! Instead of dodging these people, stay on path. After a few shoulder barges, they may learn a life lesson.

Think of the footpath like a two-lane road

Those family groups who plan their saunter down main streets in rush hour, all in a row KILL ME. Want to walk in a row? Pay attention to your surroundings. Want to live like you own the place? Single file is for you.

Because my brain can’t help but extrapolate things out, when I see people doing this I reach all sorts of conclusions about how they live life… None of them good. Don’t be that group.

Please don’t stop for no reason

When rush hour hits and the streets are crowded with tired people trying to get home, I can’t for the life of me understand the brain connections that need to happen for someone to just pause on the street. Why stop? I genuinely can’t believe you can be on a busy street and not understand that if there are people all around you, chances are, someone is JUST BEHIND YOU. When you randomly stop, you create a human-sized domino effect of people trying to avoid ramming you.

Foot traffic is traffic. It goes two ways down a street and sudden stops or entering the flow without EVEN LOOKING is less dangerous but just as rage inducing as doing it on the roads.

So much psychology…

My brain has a huge disorder where it turns things like this into symptoms of a wider issue. Maybe it’s a loss of community, maybe (as a friend mentioned the other day) our brain sizes have shrunk as specialisation has enabled us to be dumber, maybe its because everyone is so angry.

Whatever your issue, keep it to yourself. Unless it’s the brain size thing. If you suspect that you are dumber than a caveman, REALLY focus when you walk down the street, it really is quite an easy task.